I can't help but feel a little disappointed with recent events. Don't get me wrong, I am so damn glad that I followed through with this, despite my gut telling me that Gruen was full of shit. I think in the end for me, it gives me some kind of satisfaction to be able to sit back and say "See! I knew I was right!!" than look back and always wonder whether I'd read too much into all of this, and dismissed a perfectly good guy.
But still, its disappointing because I had hoped I'd be wrong. Even though I knew, logically and from experience that there was not even the slimmest of chances that I could be wrong, I had hoped I would be. I liked the fantasy that he had created. Because, lets face it, most girls dream of a man who will sweep them off their feet, and do all the things that the Gruen had promised to do. He was definitely one for big promises, just not so good at actually following through on them. It is true, I had hoped that the fantasy he had created would last just a little longer... Is this so wrong?
Imagine that you're standing on a train track and down the line you see the lights of a train approaching you. You keep screaming "Train!" at the top of your lungs as it gets closer and closer to you. You know that the train is getting closer, and all the while, you can't help but stand there, waiting, just in the hope that maybe the train will stop, even though its just not possible for the train to stop... even just to see what exactly the train will do when it sees you on the tracks. And yet, even though you saw the train coming, and you knew it was inevitable that it would eventually get to you, you can't help but be a little surprised when BAM! the train hits you.
Thats how I feel. Surprised... and disappointed.
I said this at the start, and I'll say it again. Perhaps the most sad thing of all is that I probably would have liked him for who he was, if only he had told the truth. Hell, looking at all of my previous boyfriends you'd understand why. He didn't have to make up the lies about the apartment in the city, about the cars, about the job, about living overseas, about the overseas travel, about the interstate travel, about any of it really. All he ever had to be was himself. All he had to ever do was let me see the real him and decide whether I wanted to be with him. It was only fair after all - I only ever showed him the real me.
Why do these people do it? Fear of rejection? Lack of self esteem? Mental illness? All of the above?
Whatever it is, all I feel is pity, so much pity in fact that it makes me feel sick to my stomach. And sure, there's a part of me who, deep down inside, feels compelled to 'rescue' him from this pity and gloom, but then I remember all of the other 'lost puppies' I've rescued over the years, and feel even more compelled to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
Just, of course, as soon as I take the revenge for all the less fortunate girls that he has duped along the way. And yes, maybe even a little from me, for not being the one to prove cynical ol' me wrong.
There's so much I want to say. So much advice that I want to give you. As you know, I went through it all. Day by agonising day, and I would lay awake at night and hope against all hope that the train was going to stop. I kept thinking of things I could do to help. I kept thinking that it would be me that would make thigns better. I would be able to save him. But THAT'S what he prays on. He prays on the idea of having someone there that WANTS to save him. I would ask him over and over "Why did you think I wouldn't like you for WHO you REALLY were??" And the honest to god truth is, I don't think he even knows WHO he is anymore. He's told these lies for so many years he has no idea what the truth is anymore. He doesn't know who he is, because he's never let himself just be. He's created this life that he believes will make everyone accept him, but he doesn't realise that it will all just fall to pieces around him sooner than he thinks. How long can you keep a lie up? Then it hit me. He's not looking for someone to spend his life with, he's not looking for a girlfriend, he's looking for victims. It took him a week to try to dupe me out of $20,000 (how stupid did he think I was??) and when he didn't get it, that's when the lies started falling to pieces. He used the line of "I was hoping you'd figure it out. I just want to be able to tell the truth, but I can't. I need help, please help me..." All a con.
ReplyDeleteI really wish I could have gotten more revenge on him than I did. I really wish I could have publically humiliated him, but I did what I could.
As for the "going to the police" about the ex giving him trouble, I'd really like to see him do that. I'd like to see the lie he tells police about me. I'd like to see them come to my door. It would just be too funny.
Good luck hon, it'll be hard, but remember, you were the smart one, you didn't become a victim. Be thankful for that...
The irony is that in the end the person he cons the most is himself isn't it? In the end, HE'S the one who misses out, not us. We all go on to live happy lives, he never will. He'll forever live in the lies he's told, with the knowledge of what he's lost, or perhaps he never will realise the happiness he's actually cost himself, and for all of that, I feel immense pity.
ReplyDeleteI highly doubt that he's gone to the Police. Thats of course just another story he's spinning to gain sympathy. And I'm happy to play along for the time being. I'm happy to play along because I live in the hope that I can con the conman at his very own game. And I may not succeed, but that doesn't stop me from trying.
Be patient. With any luck (and hopefully a bit of help!!), you may get your revenge yet.
xx