Confession

Some of you have asked why I bother with this internet dating gig now that we've figured out that most of the men on there are full of shit, after sex or just desperate (notice I said 'most' not all...).

Well, I have a confession to make.  I have an addiction; in fact I have several that I want to actually confess to.

Here goes…

I'm addicted to the thrill of the chase.  I find myself getting bored once I get comfortable in a relationship, or just after a few dates.  I find the sense of thrill and excitement quickly disappears.  Some of you have asked why I have bothered with Gruen, knowing he's full of shit.  This is why - its the thrill and excitement of catching him out.

I'm addicted to the butterflies I get in my stomach knowing that I am going to see a special someone in the early stages of getting to know them.  

I'm addicted to the yearning feeling when you first meet someone, and you're waiting for them to call or text, and then they do, and you get this feeling in your stomach of excitement ...

I'm addicted to the passion that I feel when I first have sex with someone, and if I'm really lucky sometimes its lasts a while, but it never stays (yet).

I'm addicted to the moment, just before the first kiss, when you know that this, this is the moment, when your lips are literally a millimetre away from each other, and you close your eyes, and as he kisses you, it just takes your breath away.

I'm addicted to the flirting that occurs when you're getting to know someone new.

I'm addicted to the feeling of falling asleep on a man's chest after having awesome sex.

Sometimes I worry that I am too addicted to these things…

That the spell has been broken from the days when my attention didn't wane after the first couple of weeks or months.

I worry that subconsciously I will not let myself be happy like that again…

That the initial novelty will wear off too quickly with every man that I meet hereon in. 

But, I know that one day I will meet someone,

       someone who the sense of thrill and excitement won't disappear with...

... Who will still give me butterflies in my stomach well after I've gotten to know them

                               And when this happens, my sense of passion won't wane...

... And nor will the flirting and banter.

And, I don't for a minute think that I will find Mr Right online (if he's as stubborn as I can be at times, I just know I'll be waiting a long time for him)... but a few Mr Right for Now's who will feed these 'addictions', well you know what?  I'd be happy with that... for now...