So far, I've been on two dates. The first was a guy who lives two suburbs over from me. We met up for a quick coffee two Thursday nights ago. He looked similar to his photos which was definitely a bonus, however I was most unimpressed when he spent the whole time sending text messages to someone else. I suggested most politely that if he had an emergency or somewhere else he needed to be we could continue this some other time (ie - here's your escape route if you want to take it) but he didn't take the bait. In the end I used MY escape route (thanks L!!!) and left. Clearly the disinterest was mutual because I haven't heard from him since. I've chalked it down to experience and in some ways I'm thankful I got a dry run with someone I hadn't invested much time in.
Now, onto the second date I had. To protect the innocent (and the guilty!), I've renamed the second date "Gruen" and I suspect that I'll be writing about him for a couple of blogs to come. Gruen tells me he's 30, and a professional who seems to have travelled to a few different places in the world, and lived for a while in at least two other countries so far. He seems to be a bit of a jetsetter on an incredible amount of money, or so he makes out. Our first 'date' or 'meet up' went well. We had a good chat and the time seemed to fly. He kissed me on the cheek at the end of the date (tick), and asked if I was free on the weekend because he'd like to see me again. Immediate interest = another tick. By the time I got upstairs, I'd received another text message to confirm he'd enjoyed coffee and that he'd definitely like to see me again. Bigger tick. So far, he's maintained interest daily just messaging me to say hi or see how my day is going = another tick. However, I'm beginning to get more than a little suspicious about whether or not he is who he says he is. I can't help but put the "Detective" cap on and question what he tells me. I'm of the firm belief that if something seems too good to be true, then it probably is. I really hope that he is telling the truth, because what would be really sad is if he was making the whole 'jetsetting' gig up to impress me when in reality, if he'd just been himself I might have just liked him for that. Only time will tell but in the meantime, I'm sitting back enjoying being Bella Detective...
Apart from the suspicions I have about whether he is who he says he is, he does seem to be doing and saying all the 'right things' from a dating perspective... you know, showing interest, being interested in what I'm saying etc etc etc. And I guess this makes me more than a little suspicious. Well before the book and the movie came out, my philosophy had always been, if he's interested he'll call/text/show interest. If he doesn't, he just isn't that into you. And I wonder whether, as a result of the book and movie, whether we might end up with this rare breed of man who wants to capture a market of women who feel empowered by measuring interest on these things. For years, women have made excuses for men when they've been disinterested (he's tired, busy, his dog ate his computer/phone/form of communication) instead of realising the cold hard truth of life: he really just wasn't that interested and I bet if you went back and looked at things with an impartial eye, you'd be able to pinpoint the moment in time it started to become that way, and realise the excuse that you made for him. But what can a woman do in the new world where women are seemingly well versed in "He's just not that into you"? How can a woman know whether a man really is that interested in her, or whether he's exploiting these women who mentally tick off the boxes that the book and movie tell them to tick off?
But, as they say, give them enough rope, and they'll hang themselves... though I can't help but wonder, what will Gruen do?
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