Gruen kissed me tonight. There's two kinds of kisses: the ones that you can feel only on your lips as their lips touch yours, and then there's the kisses that you can feel through every inch of your body, the ones that make you want more. Gruen's were the second kind, which surprised me.
There was no mistaking his intentions tonight either. He was very clear: his words were "I don't want to share you" and he used the forbidden C word - commitment. Somewhere in there were the words long-term which was followed very closely with the forbidden R word - relationship. I don't understand why its so important for some people to label these things - isn't it better to kind of just wake up one day and go, "wow I dont want to be with anyone else, this is the person I want to be with" instead of having to label it and say "from now on, we shall be boyfriend and girlfriend and there will be no others"? Enough with the pressure already! Of course I mean no offense to anyone who needs to label things, I just don't think its for me.
It also bothers me when I meet a man and he's quick to jump into a relationship with me. The hopeful part of me thinks "wow he must really like me" but the cynical, or realist part of me thinks "why is he so keen for a relationship? why is he so desperate?". I don't mean this at all in a demeaning way toward me but one really does have to ask themselves why someone would be so quick to jump into any relationship.
I do stick by what I said at the beginning when I first met him: he'd be excellent to do the fun stuff with. We talked tonight about picking two days each month and on one day I pick something different to do, and on the other he picks something different. We won't know what the other has planned until we're there, it can't cost very much and we can't do the same thing again for three months (I take it this means if we are still talking in three months?!). I love surprises and if it actually happens, I think this is something I'll definitely enjoy a lot. Mind you, I might need to put my thinking cap on for things to do, although I already have a few things I was going to do anyway by myself or with other friends...
I did enjoy tonight too. We went to a place with a couch, ordered a drink and some food, and just sat there, in the dull light, ate, drank, chatted and just was just there. It was nice not to feel like I had to fill the silence with words, which anyone who knows me knows I'm inclined to do. Mind you, it could very well have been because I'm sick...
I've told him that we should just see where things end up, that the "no expectations, no disappointments" motto has worked well for me in the past (Thanks Becker!). I'm hoping that I can put him off for a few more weeks, a few more dates, just to first of all make sure he is who he says he is.
Which reminds me, he did tell me where he works tonight, but now in the midst of everything I've forgotten. If I'm feeling better on Wednesday night, he wants to see me again, and after that kiss tonight, I'm powerless to say no.
Being a Grey's Anatomy fan, I'm reminded of this quote:
A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.
Now, if I can put him off for a little while longer, maybe I'll be ready to know.
No comments:
Post a Comment