What a crazy few days - a vent from me!

I've had a crazy few stressful days and as a result, my perception on things have been a little outta wack.

I had an assignment for uni due on Friday so I was a little stressed toward the end of last week trying to get the assignment written.  I also had an assignment due yesterday so I was stressed out all weekend trying to get my head around the poorly worded assignment question.


I'm also feeling stressed because I'm so unhappy with work.  I'm unhappy with the people I work with and I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've almost wanted to resign on the spot this week so far (and its only Tuesday!!!).  Its to the point now where I have actually felt sick every morning before work.  Before you go off spreading rumours about pregnancies, its definitely not that.  Its anxiety and I've had it before.  Apparently when you stress, your stomach creates excess acid and this is what makes you feel sick.  I know things aren't really *that* bad and the things that are bothering me happen in every office, but I'm just so over the same shit day in and day out, it'd be good to just be dealing with the same shit but with different people for a change.  I couldn't sleep last night and it wouldn't surprise me if this is related. 

I'm also probably over-tired and probably a little hormonal which certainly hasn't helped the situation. 
Of course, in addition to this my lower back feels like it's out because its tight and sore (and therefore it restricts my movement), and my knees have been sore too... I've also been getting a sore tummy, the kind of sore tummy you sometimes get when you're mid-cycle, and its really uncomfortable.  And I'm sure that these are all just physical manifestations of me stressing. 

I've also got the wheels in motion to move to Sydney to be with my Sydney Boy.  Nothing in concrete to speak of just yet, but chances are it could be happening really soon.  I know that I can do this, and the challenge and adventure excites me.  All things considered, the whole moving thing is pretty low risk.  But at the same time, even though I know this, the change is also scary and its taking a massive leap into the unknown. I keep reminding myself that its low risk, that its not that big of a deal and have been feeling frustrated with myself for feeling like this.  I went to a work breakfast this morning and one of the speakers talked about how she moved from Brisbane to Canberra and how big of an adjustment it was, how big and scary moving to another state was, and I realised, that there's nothing wrong with feeling apprehensive about moving because it is a big change, and lets face it, change can be scary even when its exciting!  But of course, because of all this other stuff going on in the background, my perception and perspective on things is a little wonky...

Finally, as a result of all of this, I've been feeling so insecure about my Sydney Boy, and its definitely not warranted.  The frustrating thing is that I know at the time I'm being stupid and irrational, but yet I get anxious anyway.  As the Pink song goes... "its bad when you annoy yourself... I'm my own worst enemy" that's exactly how I've been feeling. 

I also wonder whether it hasn't helped that I havent been eating as well as I have been so far this year, and I haven't managed to get much exercise in either.  I was hoping to go for a jog tonight to see if that helped any, but by the time I got home tonight it was dark.  I was planning to use the Wii Fit to at least do some yoga to release some of this tension from my muscles etc, only to discover that in the power surge the other night, the stupid bloody thing has shit itself.  Yes, you can imagine how annoyed I was about that!!!

I know the feeling will pass, probably when I am not so tired and when I can manage to just get a little more perspective.  One thing is for sure, I miss my Sydney Boy a lot and I can hardly believe that its even possible to miss someone after such a short space of time.  If nothing else, I think I'll be feeling much better at 7pm Friday when he gets off the plane.

Three more sleeps, three more sleeps, three more sleeps... that's been my mantra for the day.  I bet you can guess what tomorrow's mantra will be to get me through the day.