That's the question that I keep asking myself. He is now my first thought as I wake up in the morning. I put the flowers he gave me last weekend beside my bed, so they're the first thing I see when I wake up, that and the photo of us that we took when I was in Sydney. He's the only thing I can think about during the day. I can't focus properly on anything else at the moment. He's the last thing I think about as I'm drifting off to sleep. Most nights, I see him in my dreams too. I both hate and love this.
I love this for the obvious reasons, but sometimes I hate this feeling of wanting or needing someone so badly. It leaves me in such a position of vulnerability that frightens me. I also hate being so consumed by him that I am unable to focus on anything else. And yet, despite this, I hope with all my heart that this isn't just some unusual infatuation and that this will last much much longer than that. Every day I look forward to seeing his face on video cam and hearing his voice, although sometimes it seems so horrible that technology can deal such a cruel blow when he feels so close that I could just reach through the screen and stroke his cheek, or put my lips to his and kiss him and yet he's so far away.
There are now 7 more sleeps until I can see him again. Each day I wake up, and I want the day to go faster, so I can go to sleep again because this means that there are less sleeps until he will be here beside me. I'm counting and sleeping my life away.
I find it interesting how different things are with my Sydney Boy compared to others in the past. My last boyfriend was also from Sydney and yet I held off from going down there after I met him 'just in case it doesn't work out' and yet now I've got my Sydney Boy I feel so drawn to being near him that when I found out I didn't get the Sydney job today, I almost cried. I just want to snap my fingers and have me be down there, with him. Why are things so different?
He booked me a flight down to see him too, this week. Didn't I tell you he was fabulous? I fly down there on the Saturday and fly back on the Monday (a public holiday). So, all in all this month, this weekend is the only weekend we'll be apart. I know its not sustainable in the long term, or for very long to get to see each other three weekends in one month (especially if we're attempting to save to go to Fiji together this year!) which makes it all the more urgent for me to get a job down there so I can go be with him.
Finally, I want to share something he said last night (and I hope he doesnt mind me sharing it on here - I'd ask him but he's sleeping and I want to post this up tonight)... He said "the way you touch me, the way you hold me, the way kiss me is just so right"
Those are my thoughts too, and maybe that's the answer to my question, "why are things so different?"
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