Thoughts on the big move

My last day at my job was yesterday.  I have to say that I am definitely glad that I don't have to work there for a long time.  The place and the work were really starting to get the better of me.  No, I don't feel sad about leaving there.

People keep asking me if I'm excited or nervous.  To be honest, I'm not sure I'm either yet.  It doesn't feel real, as if its not something thats actually going to happen.  Of course its scary, to a degree, to know that after going to work in the same place, every Monday to Friday for the last 4 years, and now on Tuesday life there will go on as normal without me there.  If anything, it feels almost as though I'm just going on holidays.  In a way, that's what this is: an extended working holiday.  I guess I expected to feel that "woo hoo" jump up in the air feeling when i walked out of the building, and I didn't.

I don't think that its really hit me yet, that I'm moving.  It doesn't feel real.  I've made such a huge decision, and yet it doesn't feel real.  I think next week, when my bedroom is almost empty, but for my bed, and at my party when there are tears, and when I get on the plane, after condensing my life down to 23kg in a suitcase, then it'll feel real. 

Of course I am impatient, I can't wait to be down in Sydney.  I can't wait for the adventure to start.  I can't wait to be able to see my Sydney Boy through the week.  I can't wait until I don't have to count the sleeps (now at 7) until I can see him again.  I can't wait to have a normal relationship where we see each other through the week, one that doesn't involve mass coordination of schedules and flight bookings.  Lord knows, its been 18 months since I had one of those.  I can't wait to have a normal relationship with a normal man.  I don't think I've ever really had one of those - from a cheater, to a manic depressive, to an older man with anger management issues, to an honours student with ADHD and 'issues' in general (including paranoia and feelings of grandoise), yes I think its safe to say that none of these men have been normal by any stretch of the imagination.  Oh how I can pick them.

I have every expectation that once I'm down there, and our relationship begins to normalise, the dynamics of my relationship with my Sydney Boy will change.  In some ways, its sad but mostly I think its definitely a good thing.  It means we're moving forward in our relationship and it will either make or break us.  If we're meant to be, we'll last the distance.  I have faith that we are meant for each other.

I also have every expectation that after I've moved, my friendships will change.  No longer will I be spending two hours in the car every day with Mr J, chatting about every little thing that is happening in our lives.  No longer will I be having late night coffees with Miss L and no longer will be I be hanging out with Miss B.  I won't be able to have lunches with Mr T anymore, and I won't be sharing gossip while cooking dinner with Miss A anymore either.  And I will miss the food at the Pep. 

Of course I will miss each and every single one of you, whether I've mentioned you above or not.  Each and every single one of my friends represents a special part in my life that I value.  Please don't make me apologise for leaving.  I'm not leaving you, or because of you.  I'm leaving because Brisbane has been missing something, that missing piece for a very long time.  Moving to Sydney is something that I've wanted for a very long time, and now I've met my Sydney Boy, the timing is right.  Timing is everything.  Please don't begrudge the happiness I have with my Sydney Boy.  I will talk about him, Facebook about him, blog about him because at the moment, he is the most exciting thing that is going on in my life.  I want to revel in this amazing feeling that I am feeling, and it doesn't really matter one iota whether this lasts or not because I just feel so darn great. 

Of course once I've moved, there will be times where I'll be busy making a life for me making new friends down there, seeing new things, experiencing new things, and you may very well feel left out... this is expected.  But, when all is said and done, if we're true friends, you'll always be on my mind, and we'll find a way to make our friendship work, although it will be different - maybe being apart will make us closer friends.  Remember though, I'm not great at remembering to keep in touch with people - I never have been -, so please don't take this personally.

For after all, Elizabeth Foley said, "The most beautiful discovery that true friends can make is that they can grow separately without growing apart".  Now, isn't that something?