New friends and old

When I first decided to move to Sydney, this is before I met my Sydney Boy, part of me was scared to leave my friends in Brisbane because I was worried about what might happen to those friendships.  Although it wasn't the only thing that held me back from making the big move, it certainly played on my mind - after all, I didn't want to move to a completely new city, have trouble making new friends AND lose all the old ones as well!

Fast forward 12 months to when I meet my Sydney Boy and I realise two things.  The first is that with him in Sydney, I will always have a friend here.  The second being that if the friendship is worth anything, it'll always be there.

So it did not come as a total surprise when I began to see this sort of thing happening.  I noticed that there were a couple of people who just did not make the effort.  In actual fact, before I left Brisbane, I had begun to notice the little effort they made but always wrote it off.  Then they didn't come to my farewell party and had a really dodgy excuse, and then when I invited them to a group lunch thing I was having when I came back for a quick visit (literally off one plane from Mackay, rush to Toombul for lunch and then back on the plane home to Sydney), they didn't even bother RS\/P'ing to the invitation on Facebook.  Every time I tried making conversation on MSN with the husband (the person I actually knew first) I felt like I was being met with a brick wall.  I decided after a while that maybe because they could see what I was up to on Facebook (the perils of Facebook eh?) that if I hid that info from them, then maybe this would prompt them to get in touch to say "hi" and we'd be able to have a conversation.  I noticed tonight that the husband had deleted me off Facebook.

Now, I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised as I'd planned to do something similar myself if nothing had been forthcoming from either of them.  And, maybe I should have been adult enough to message them both to say "hey, what's happening, I'm a little concerned about how we don't talk anymore".  I guess I could just see little by little that there was less and less effort being put in and I was a little hurt.  I'm reminded of the quote...

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills. ~ Lord Buddha

I'm reminded of this quote because I had suspected for some time that I was not a priority in their life anymore, that I had slipped down the friend ladder (and maybe I shouldn't put too much weight in Facebook, but when they can RS\/P to someone else's parties quickly but not two of my own, it did cause me to wonder...).  I had doubted them and without a doubt, they'll have their own views on how things went the way they did.

I'm not devastated about what has happened, but it does make me a little sad whenever any friendship ends for whatever reason, even though I know that not all friendships are forever.  I have met some great friends through this couple so nothing is ever a waste of time.  I'd probably have done the deletion myself after a while, but I wanted to give them the courtesy of more time, and had planned to try and see them when I was back at Christmas before striking them off for good.  I guess the deletion from him shows I was never much of a priority to them (at least not recently), and that my suspicions were warranted. 

Then there are some people and things that I do miss dearly.  Sometimes I miss being able to meet up with Miss B for a coffee, or lunch, or whatever tickled our fancy to talk through and find meaning things that are happening in our lives.  Talking on the phone is really just not the same.  I also miss my late night coffees at Maccas with Miss L.  Just the other night, I read that the old gang (Miss L, Miss S and Mr D) were there, and I felt a pang of jealousy and sadness as I had realised just what I had been missing.  These friendships are, funnily enough, the ones that have gotten stronger since I have been here.

It's not as though I have been looking for new friends here.  In actual fact, I haven't been.  Life is always so busy with my Sydney Boy that I have barely had time to catch up with the friends I already have here!  Don't get me wrong here, it's not often that I feel desperately lonely - my Sydney Boy makes sure I want and need nothing and he makes me so content but it's just that every now and then (usually when my Sydney Boy is at work at night), there's that pang.  The pang I know I'd be feeling much much more if my Sydney Boy weren't here to fill the void my friends left.

Who knows what will happen down the track.  One of my dearest friends in the whole wide world, my best friend Mr M, didn't speak to me for years, nor I to him (but that is a whoooole new blog post!), and maybe I will make more friends who can fill in (although never replace) the void left by the friends I left behind in Brisbane.  And maybe when we move back to Brisbane (whenever that day may be), I will be able to pick up those friendships that have gotten stronger and enjoy them to their fullest once again.

I'll leave you with this quote...

We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." ~ Amy Marie Walz