I've been doing some self reflection lately, and its been the topic of some of our nightly discussions as we learn to live with each other. What I find interesting is how differently I have approached and am approaching this relationship, to the way I have been in other relationships in the past.
My Sydney Boy and I were watching the reality TV show, "Tough Love" the other night, and it occured to me how laid back I am with him, compared to those women, and to my past self. Watching this show, I realised how much I trust him, and how secure I feel being in this relationship. I have never had to question his feelings for me (except when I'm PMS-ing, but that doesnt count lol) and I have never felt the need to 'investigate' him in the way I've seen other girls 'investigate' their boyfriends from time to time. Every day when he wakes up, I see the smile on his face when he first sees me. Every day when he or I get home from work, I see the smile on his face when he sees me. I feel it in his kisses, in his hugs, and in his 'loving'. I see it when he washes the dishes for me, or when he does things around the house. Take, for instance today, he saw that the washing basket was full, and knowing that I am going away tomorrow for the weekend, he went and washed the clothes so that I would have clean clothes to take with me. I even see it when he tries foods that I suggest or cook that he usually wouldn't eat. He may not always say it, but his actions speak very loudly about how he feels about me, and this makes me feel very secure in our relationship.
Of course, there's always that nagging doubt in the back of my head, that girl who has been hurt far too many times than she cares to remember, the one who was often told (either verbally or by action or inaction) that she wasn't good enough. She's scared that one day he will wake up and wonder what he is doing with her, or what he sees in her, or realise that the feelings he had for her are no longer there. Luckily that girl is silenced pretty easily by my more rational self and only really ever comes out in times of high stress (ie exams + little sleep + sick grandfather) and hormones - I cried reading the news yesterday for heavens sake!!!! I think most of us women have these same fears in the back of their heads, but I'd like to think that there comes a time when those fears just disappear.
The other thing I've noticed, is that I'm much more laid back when it comes to things around the house.
Example 1: The other night, my Sydney Boy made Meatloaf and steamed veges, that was waiting for me when I got home from work. I found out that my Sydney Boy didn't make it from scratch. In fact, he bought it from the butcher, so effectively, all he had to do was put it in the oven, and then put the veges in the microwave. In the past, I'd have been less than impressed. I may have considered it a little lazy. Not this time though. This time, I don't even CARE how it was cooked, whether he made it from scratch or not. It doesn't matter. What matters to me is that he cooked something, anything. What matters to me is that I didn't have to come home after working all day and deal with making dinner. What matters to me is that it wasn't fast food, or deep fried - it was healthy. What matters to me is that it was ready when I got home. What matters to me is that he was thoughtful enough to consider how I felt and try and make my life better for me. That makes me want to make life better for him. In fact, it seems that the more he does for me, the more I want to do for him, and in turn the more he wants to do for me. That is a cycle that I do not want to break, although I know its only early days and the novelty is yet to wear off.
Example 2: My Sydney Boy likes doing the washing up one way, I like doing it another. Once upon a time, I'd have nagged him to do it my way (and in turn caused ill feeling toward me, and frustration for me when he did it his own way anyway, and made me into a nagging girlfriend). Now, I don't care how he does the darn job, I'm just happy he does it at all!!!!!!!!
Of course, this is all in the context of the "Honeymoon Period" so perhaps my thoughts right now should be taken lightly until proven to be sustainable over a long period of time, however I just feel like I have so much more perspective than in other past relationships. I think this is probably a combination of learning from past mistakes (by learning to be able to better identify what is important vs what is not), and the difference in the relationship itself.
All of this said, I'm at a loss about how any other girl could possibly have let this man go. I just don't understand it. He has never given me any reason to doubt him, has always made me feel loved, desired and wanted, he tells me that I look good (and is ever so sincere when he says it), gives me lots of cuddles and kisses (without me having to ask for it!), gives me affection that isn't only aimed at getting laid, is thoughtful, cooks for me, cleans up when I'm at work and he isn't, he's funny, sincere, down to earth, is always looking for things we can do together, includes me in things that involve his mates, and gives me everything I could ever want from a man. No matter what he wears, he always looks so damn sexy and he just looks so darned cute when he sleeps - it just makes me want to kiss him over and over again every time I look at my sleeping Sydney Boy. He just melts my heart....
... And...
... he has a cute man bum [blush].
How the hell did I become so lucky?!?! And what did I ever do to deserve all of this?!
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