One of my favourite comedies of all time is Becker. Everytime I watch it, it just cracks me up. I haven't written in a while because of so much going on in my life. Lately, I've been reminded of this episode (which is probably the best of all the series':
In this episode, Becker explains about 'payback' where something good happens, then something bad happens in return. In particular, at 8:49 in the first video, he says "Imagine a big rubber band... with every so called lucky thing, the rubber band gets stretched a little bit more." and he goes on to list off all the good things that had happened to him that day and as he lists them off, the imaginary rubber band gets stretched more and more "and then thwack". The whole episode is about this theory of his. I included the second video if you are interested and haven't seen Becker yet. Seriously the best comedy ever.
Anyway, for ages now, all these wonderful things have been happening to me and I've been so incredibly lucky. Met the love of my life. Moved to Sydney. Got a job straight away. Moved in with the love of my life. Love of my life keeps getting better and better. Life just gets better and better. I've been waiting for the "thwack" and, by and large it hit me hard when it eventually snapped.
My grandfather, the one who helped raise me from when I was 4 months old, was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of liver, kidney and lung cancer and was told he had about 3 months to live. I very promptly booked a flight back to Queensland to see him a couple of weeks after the news, and only a few weeks following that, he passed away. Two Fridays ago. He was a good man who I had and still have a lot of respect for, and I'll write about him in my next blog.
Following the loss of my twins a couple of years ago, I did some reading about the stages of Grief. Basically, according to psychologists, there are five (or sometimes up to 7, depending on which model you're following) stages of grief a person will go through, not necessarily in any particular order. I think that having this knowledge has helped me in dealing with my grief. I've switched between the denial phase (this isn't really happening, he was alive last time I saw him, he's not really dead), and the anger phase (this isn't fair, why *my* pop?, he's not mean to die yet, there are so many things I want him to be here to see, I'm angry at a god I'm not even sure I believe in). Before he passed away, I went through the bargaining phase (I know he's going to die, but please can he just wait until I've finished my degree, gotten married and had kids of my own?). In being able to pinpoint what I'm feeling and know that it is normal, this has certainly helped me to be strong for my mum and my grandmother.
My Sydney Boy has been fabulous as well at supporting me. He came with me to the funeral and although he had to come home the night after the funeral while I stayed on for another day to see friends, I got home to fresh flowers to cheer me up. I could not ask for a better man to support me.
Yes, that "thwack" was a mighty thwack and I still have a big bruise from where it hit. But I'll hang in here knowing that I'll reach the "acceptance" phase eventually.
